


A Little Rookie

by ge97511



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ge97511/pseuds/ge97511
Summary: Even when something very bad happens there's always a reason to continue fighting and living.





	A Little Rookie

Holly Peck-Stewart is very excited to see her wife as soon as their respective shifts are over. She has wonderful news for her Gail. After three tries, she's finally pregnant. Finally. She better be. She took three different home pregnancy tests and they were all the same. Pregnant. As she looks out of the forensics van, she can't help but curse her bad luck. 

Just an hour before her shift was to be over, she got called out on a new crime scene. It's all the way across town. It's taking forever to get there. She just wants to wrap this up as quickly as possible and go home. She can't wait to tell her love. She's going to be so happy and excited. Of that, she has no doubt.

When they get to the scene, Holly steps out and looks around. Damn is the first word that pops into her mind. It's a secluded wooded place. It's going to take a long time to collect all the environmental samples. She walks up to what she assumes is a detective and asks, "What do we have?"

"Two bodies. A male and a female. Gunshots to the back of the head." The detective says as he looks down in his notepad.

"Anything else?" Holly asks as she plans her route to get to the bodies in her head.

"Yes, they are two Toronto Police Officers," the detective says sadly.

"Have you ID'd them?" Holly asks quickly. Her stomach just goes into a knot, and her heart is beginning to throb. It can’t be her Gail. It just can’t. This place is so far from the 15th Precinct. Besides, if anything would have happened, someone would have already told her by now, right? She takes a deep breath, shakes her head to get those stupid thoughts out of it, and gets her head into work mode.

"Not yet. We haven't moved them. We were waiting for you", the detective says.

"Ok, tell your officers to clear the area, and we'll get to work," Holly says beginning to walk to where the bodies are. 

She walks up to the first body. It's the male. Dark hair and wearing a police uniform. Holly takes notes of the body positon, the gunshot to the back of the head, and anything else that catches her eyes. After a few minutes, she takes a deep breath and nods to her assistants to flip over the body. Unfortunately, in that single moment, her entire world crumbled.

It was Chris. Chris Diaz. Gail's friend. And her partner for the day.

She stands up and runs to the second body. She rips the sheet off covering the body and drops to her knees. She turns her over and starts to sob. Out of sheer pain and desperation, she begins to beg as she cups Gail's cold face, "No! No! No! Don't leave me, baby. Please don't leave. Damn it you promised!!! You promised!!!"

Holly wails can be heard all around as two additional police cars arrive. Oliver, Steve, and Tracy jump out as the cars come to a stop. All three run towards Holly, yelling her name but it is too late.

Holly is slumped over her Gail's body screaming, "Damn it, Gail don't leave me!! Don't!! Please don't leave me!! You promised!! Wake up, baby!! Please wake up!!"

Steve, Oliver, and Tracy's worst nightmare is coming true. With tears running down his face, Oliver leans down and puts his arms on Holly's shoulder to get her off Gail and quietly sobs, "Come on darlin'. There's nothing for you to do now."

"No Oliver, No!!! What the hell happened? Why didn't anybody tell me? Where the hell where you guys when this happened? Where?" Holly screams as she sobs into Gail's chest.

"We don't know what happened. Something went wrong on their last call," Steve says as tears run down his face. He never thought this would happen. Fuck the job. The inherit knowledge that this could happen. When it comes down to it, everybody thinks that this cannot happen to them. Not to their husband, wife, sister. Everybody else but not to them. His heart feels like it is shredded. There she is. There's no mistake. Someone killed her. His little sister is gone. Just gone. Forever. He knows with every fiber of his being that life will never be the same.

"That's all you have to say!!! They killed her!! Look at what they did!!! Come on Gail, wake up!!! I have a surprise for you. I'm pregnant, baby. You're going to get your little badass baby like you wanted. Just wake up!!" Holly says as she continues to sob uncontrollably. At that moment, all she wants to do is to follow her.

Steve, Tracy, and Oliver didn't think this nightmare could get any worse, but it does. A baby. Gail's baby; and she didn't even get enough time to find out that it is on its way. A baby that will only know they once had another mother that died before they were born. They will be told stories, and there will be pictures, and they will be told that she died a hero. But, at the end of the day, a very poor substitute for the real thing. All three know that, and that only makes their heart hurt more. Life can be so fucked up sometimes and incredibly cruel.

Steve and Oliver decide that they can't stand it anymore. Each lean down to grab her arms to pull her off Gail. After two hard yanks, they get her up. This isn’t good for Holly or that baby. Holly is so angry now. As she tries to get away, she wails, "Let me go!! Just let me go!!! I'm not leaving her!!!"

With tears running down her face, Tracy goes to stand in front of Holly and sorrowfully whispers, "You're not leaving her, Holly. You're not. Our Gail isn't there anymore. She's gone. This isn't good for the baby."

With that Holly just collapses in Oliver's arms. Tracy is right. Her Gail isn’t there anymore. She is gone forever. There is nothing else to do. Oliver picks her up and carries her to his car. After he straps her down, he races away from that scene with his siren blaring. All he wants is to get her home as quickly as possible and take care of her any way he can.

Holly just stares out the window as the tears run down her face. Everything was going so well. They were married. So, damn happy. They had a home of their own. Jobs they both loved. A baby on the way. And now her entire world has basically imploded in her face. There's no home without Gail. There just isn't.

As Holly lets the pain and sorrow take root inside of her soul, she mumbles, "I don't want to be here anymore. She's my home. I want to go home, Oliver."

That makes Oliver's blood run ice cold. He pulls over and, even though tears are still running down his face, he meets her gaze and says very seriously, "Listen up, Holly. That's not an option, you hear me. Not an option ever. Gail wouldn't want that. Gail would want you to go on. For that baby growing inside you to have a beautiful life. It's a part of her Holly. That baby is all we have left of our Gail. Please don't take that away from yourself or us. We are your family. We'll be with you every step of the way. You're not alone. No more talk about leaving us."

Holly lets the words sink in as her hand goes down to her stomach. He's right. A part of Gail lives. It lives in that baby. That baby is cutting through the grief and sorrow. She's now responsible for two lives, not just her own. That baby will become her new reason for existing. That baby is proof that Gail lives. She opens her eyes and simply whispers, "Okay, Oliver."

Oliver gets a very small watery smile and pulls off again. He can't help say in his head to Gail, "Thank you Gail darlin'. We'll take good care of them, I promise. Goodbye, my darlin'."

_________________________

Seven months later and three days overdue, the baby rookie is driving all his aunts and uncles nuts. They are so eager for them to arrive already. All of Gail's friends are busy having meetings every day about the little rookie. At least that's what they call Gail and Holly's baby. Oliver quickly calls the meeting to order and says, "Any day now. One of us must be with her 24/7. I don't want to run the slightest chance of her going into labor while she's by herself."

"Yeah, you guys all better have mount sirens in your cars. As soon as she even gets one contraction, I want her in your car and you race to the hospital with the siren blaring. You got that." Steve says in all seriousness.

"There is such a thing as false labor, Steve." Tracy smiles. All the guys are acting as expecting fathers. She honestly thinks that Steve might faint if she goes into labor on his shift.

"False or real I don't care. You get Holly down to the hospital ASAP", Steve says stubbornly.

"I'm glad that the baby is almost here. I'm tired of running out in the middle of the night for cravings. It took me going to 5 different supermarkets before finding the pistachio ice cream she wanted at 3 am," Dov complains.

"Oh shut up, Dov. It's normal", Chloe says.

"Yeah, she gets anything she wants. You hear me. Anything she wants. And if I find out that any of you say “no” to anything she asks, I swear to God I'll make you regret it." Steve says in all seriousness. Holly and that baby are incredibly important to him. Just looking at Holly reminds him of Gail. Steve promised his sister at her funeral that he'd take care of them. Both, until the day he joins her. That is a promise he is going to keep, come what may.

"Who's on with her now?" Oliver asks.

"Collins and McNally," Tracy says.

"Good, who's on after their shift?", Steve asks.

"You and me, cowboy," Tracy grins.

"Ok, does she want anything?", Steve asks.

"Yeah, for you to finish the nursery," Oliver smiles.

"I can't finish it because I don't want Holly and the baby to smell any paint fumes whatsoever. Besides, I can't paint it till I know if it's a girl or a boy", Steve says defensively.

Oliver, Tracy, Chloe, and Dov just burst out laughing. Steve has officially turned into some crazy 50's expectant dad. Tracy tries to muffle her laughter when she says, "Are you going to be worse when you are the actually baby daddy?"

"Probably. But at least when I get you pregnant, I'll be able to bubble proof the house," Steve smiles bashfully.

That just makes everybody laugh louder. Steve was sniffed when Holly said “no.” He argued till he was red in the face. Tracy finally controls herself enough to say, "That's what you think."

That makes Steve scowl, and Oliver finally says, "Rookie meeting adjourned. Well, meet tomorrow same place, same time. Don't forget that if anything happens, I want to know."

They all nod; as they are walking out of the conference room, Oliver asks Steve, "How's the Superintendent and the Inspector taking all of this?"

"They are as nervous as me. Each call me more than two times a day for updates and demands to be notified the second Holly goes into labor. They want to be at the hospital to welcome their brand-new grandchild", Steve explains quietly.

"Well, that's a far cry from where they started," Oliver says relieved. 

"You're telling me. I still can't believe that right after the funerals they went to her house to basically announce that they were going to pursue full custody of Holly and Gail's baby. I honestly thought my head was going to explode. And the scare Holly gave us. She was already dealing with all that the pain, grief, and sorrow since Gail left. And they went over there to make stupid demands and just made things ten times worse. She almost miscarried because of their stupidity", Steve says angrily.

Oliver slaps Steve on the shoulder and says, "But she didn't, and your parents finally got a clue. They even went over later and begged for forgiveness and to be allowed to be a part of the baby's life. And Holly being a beautiful soul agreed with the only stipulation that they would not pressure the baby to be a cop. The baby could be anything it wanted and, if they chose that profession, she would accept it. Everything is going to go great. I can't wait to meet the little darlin' or the little champ."

"Yeah, but thank God the girls had the foresight to get a top-notch attorney and write out the custody agreement, basically naming each other the guardian of any child whether they have a genetic connection to them or not. As far as they were concerned, they were both the mothers. Luckily my parent’s lawyers concurred and told them they were out of luck. Even though it's Gail's egg, Holly's is carrying; she is the mother. She's the one bringing my little niece or nephew into the world. That's more than enough for me", Steve says as they walk into the men’s locker room.

"I always said that those girls were smart as a whip. But enough of that. Get going. Call me if she wants anything or if anything happens. As soon as she's on the way to the hospital, I want to know. Scratch that. I want to know everything. Just update me often", Oliver says seriously.

"Uh huh. And I'm the crazy baby daddy", Steve grins.

"Oh, shut up and get going," Oliver says as he blushes.

Steve just laughs and gets his things together. Five minutes later, he goes looking for  
Tracy. He just wants to get there to see how Holly's going.

_________________________

That same night Holly reaches to her night table drawer and pulls out the letter. She has lost count of how many times she has re-read it. Steve gave it to her a few hours after she arrived home. Gail's letter. Her last words to her.

Holly baby,

If you're reading this, it's because I broke my promise to always come home to you. I'm so sorry, Holly. I never wanted to leave you. I'm so sorry to have caused you this kind of pain, baby. So, sorry, baby.

I want to thank you for making my life so much better. You made me a better person. For that, I'll always be so grateful. The days I spent with you was the best part of my life. The very best. Don't ever forget that.

As I write this, I'm watching you sleep. You just had the first fertility treatment. I'm sitting here and thinking of what could be. A baby. A beautiful baby with dark hair and dark eyes. Or a hell-raiser with blond hair and blue eyes. Either way, it doesn't matter. The baby will be absolutely beautiful, and they couldn't have a better Mom.

If when you read this, there is a little one, please just take all the grief and pain of my passing and turn it into love for them. You're going to make the best mother, Holly. Of that, I have no doubt. I hate that I'm not there to enjoy the experience with you and to help. But that's out of my hands now. But a part of me is in that baby. I'm really not gone, baby. I'll always be with both of you, my love. 

I hope you can forgive me for breaking my promise, Holly baby. I'll love you forever. Forever.

Yours,

Gail

Holly wipes the tears away and rubs her stomach. Her little one is making her wince with their strong kicks, but that doesn't stop her from thinking about her love.

Gail. Her Gail. She's only been gone for seven months, but she is the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up, and she's the last thing she thinks about when she goes to sleep. The house has basically not changed since the day she left. Her clothes are still littered around the bedroom. Her toothbrush, her brush, her shampoo is all where she left them. Holly knows this is not a good thing. But she can't bear to touch anything. Maybe with the new baby, she'll have no choice.

The night four months after Gail left that she snuggled into her pillow and couldn't get a whiff of her scent caused her to break out in heavy sobs. Her protectors, or at least that's what she calls them, completely freaked out. In fifteen minutes' flat Steve, Tracy, and Oliver were standing in her bedroom.

Holly's thoughts scatter when there's a soft knock at the door. She wipes her face again and says, "Come in."

Andy sticks her head in and asks, "Are you okay?"

"Andy, I'm fine I promise. The baby is just kicking a lot. I'm starting to think that they are going to be a soccer player." Holly says as she rubs alcohol on her big belly. This kid can't stay still when night falls. Holly already figured out that the little one sleeps the day away and is up all night long. God, that reminded her of Gail.

But then something happens she wasn't expecting at all. She feels wet. Damn. She looks down and looks up at Andy and says, "Andy, I think my water just broke."

"What? No. That can't be", Andy says as she races into the room. As soon as Holly stands up from the bed, she sees the puddle of clear liquid. Shit. She immediately starts yelling, "Collins, get in here now?!"

Holly takes a breath and says, "I'm not feeling contractions, but I have to get to a hospital. They might need to do a C-section."

"What?", Nick asks as he runs in.

"Her water broke," Andy says as she scans the room for the hospital bag that was already packed.

"What does that mean?", Nick says in total confusion.

"You idiot; it means the baby is coming. Get the damn car now", Andy orders completely frustrated. Why did she have to get paired with an idiot? Tonight, of all nights. And where the hell is that bag?

"Andy, relax. We still have time", Holly tries to say calmly.

Andy just takes her arm and leads her into the living room and runs back into the bedroom. Holly could hear a lot of noise; so, she calls out, "What are you looking for Andy?"

"Where's the damn hospital bag?", Andy calls back is sheer panic. They need to get her to the hospital now. 

Holly giggles and says, "You guys put it in the living room closet. Remember, after you guys argued for an hour about where it was supposed to go."

"Damn it. That's right. Where the hell is Collins?" Andy says when she runs back in and grabs the bag from the closet.

"I have no idea. But we really need to go", Holly winces. Damn, that's a contraction.

Andy runs up to her is afraid to ask, "Contraction?"

"Yes."

"God damn it, where is Collins?", Andy curses angrily. She sits Holly on the couch and runs out the door to see where the hell Collins was. As soon as she set foot out the door, he came up to her running. Andy immediately demanded, "Where's the fucking car? We have got to go."

As Nick is panting, he says, "The damn thing won't start. I don't know what the hell is wrong with it."

"It won't start? You fucking must be kidding me? Really? We're dead. We're so dead. Dead, you hear me. The Pecks and most of the precinct are going to tear us into tiny little pieces," Andy says very angrily and honestly. They are going to kill them. And Steven Peck is going to be the ring leader.

"Call an ambulance", Nick says hopefully.

As Andy was looking for her phone in her pockets, Tracy and Steve run up.

Steve immediately demands, "Why are you both out here? You're supposed to be keeping an eye on Holly. The baby is going to be here any day now."

"She's in labor," Andy spits out nervously.

Both Tracy and Steve yell at the same time, "Labor!! Why are you still here?!"

"My car doesn’t start," Nick mumbles.

"Fucking idiot. I told you guys to maintain your fucking cars so this wouldn't happen. I fucking told you. Fucking incredible," Steve curses as he runs into the house followed by Tracy, Nick, and Andy.

As soon as Holly sees Steve, she smiles a little and says, "You're going to meet your little niece or nephew soon."

Steve loses the color on his face and loses the ability to talk for a minute.

"How apart are your contractions?", Tracy asks as she kneels in front of Holly.

"Five to six minutes apart, I think. But my water broke. We need to get to the hospital."

Tracy turns to Andy and Nick and says angrily, "Damn it, why didn't you say that first?"

Both just look down while Steve manages to come out of his stupor. He tosses his keys to Collins chest and orders angrily, "Go get the fucking car now, Collins. Put the bag in the trunk. And God help you if it doesn't start."

In two minutes, they hear a honk outside to the relief of everybody in the house. Holly slowly makes her way to the car with Tracy and Andy's help and, when Steve got there, he makes Collins get out the car. As he got in, he growls angrily, "Everything better turn out great or I'm going to kill you, you fucking idiot."

Collins has no time to respond. As soon as Tracy and Holly are in the back seat, he puts the siren on the dash and races to the hospital.

__________________________

Well, everybody is in the room waiting for news. Everybody. The hospital waiting room is full of uniforms, Elaine and Bill Peck, Oliver, Tracy, Steve, Chloe, and Dov. McNally and Collins are there too, but they keep to a corner. When they walked in, almost everybody glared at them. So yeah, Andy was right. They are so dead.

About two hours and the doctor calls out, "Peck-Stewart."

Steve immediately jumps out and asks, "How are they?"

The surgeon smiles and says, "They are great. The little one wasn't in the right position. He was sitting straight up. So, we had no choice and had to do a C-section. Everything went great. You should be able to see them soon. Congratulations."

Steve has the stupidest grin on his face and says, "I'm the uncle. What was it?"

"I'm sorry. You have a beautiful 8 lb. 6 oz. nephew", the doctor smiles.

The room erupts in cheers. It scares the poor doctor, but at the end, he smiles. Everybody is so happy the little one has arrived safe and sound. Elaine Peck even has tears running down her face. And Collins and McNally are beyond relieved. They know they barely got away with their blunder. They both know they are still going to get crap for it, but at least Steve isn’t going to kill them. They are happy with that.

After an hour, they finally let Steve and Elaine see Holly and the baby.

With a soft knock, Steve pokes his head and grins, "Hi Mommy."

Holly just grins and says, "Hi Uncle Steve. Wanna meet your nephew?"

As Steve walks in, Holly sees he isn't alone. She cordially says, "Hello Superintendent."

"Please just Elaine," Elaine says softly as her eyes go to the bundle in Holly's arms.

"Would you like to meet your grandson?", Holly asks already knowing the answer.

"Please," Elaine says with emotion. She holds out her arms and Holly carefully transfers the little bundle in her arms.

Holly just watches as both Pecks look at the new member of the family. Holly can see the awe in their eyes. Her little guy is a Peck from the top of his blond head to the bottom of those strong legs.

Elaine looks up and grins, "He looks exactly like Gail."

Holly smiles and just nods her head. Steve looks up from his nephew and asks, "Are his eyes blue?"

Holly just nods again.

Steve can’t stop grinning. He's here. He's every inch Gail's boy. She lives. She's with us through this little guy. Steve can’t be happier.

Elaine looks up and tearfully says, "Thank you."

"No thanks are necessary. He's my son. I adore him and he's a piece of my Gail", Holly says quietly but still sadly. She wished Gail was really there. She would be so proud of their little boy.

Elaine just nods and kisses the top of her grandson's head. When he begins to cry, she hands him over to Holly. Holly says, "He's probably hungry."

She grabs a blanket and covers herself and the baby and begins to nurse. After a few minutes, Steve asks softly, "What's his name, Holly?"

"Well, Gail said she liked the name Gavin or Jack for a boy," Holly says as she smiles down at her son.

"Gavin, I like that," Steve grins.

Elaine thinks for a minute and smiles and nods. She liked it too.

That just makes Holly smile bigger. That's what she was leaning towards anyway. Holly just grins and says, "His name is going to be Gavin Peck-Stewart. Sounds good?"

Both Pecks just nod and smile. The baby is here and they are both ecstatic by his arrival. It feels like Gail is with them again.

_________________________

Three days after the delivery, Steve, Tracy, and Oliver all go to the hospital to pick up Holly and the little guy to take them home. To Holly's surprise, they arrive in a brand new burgundy Range Rover SUV with the best on the market rear-facing car seat already installed properly. As she hands Gavin to Tracy so that she could strap him, she asks, "This is great. Whose car, is it?"

When everybody got in, Steve turns to Holly and grins, "It's yours silly."

Holly is stunned. When she finally manages to make her mouth work, she says in total confusion, "What are you talking about, Steve?"

"This little ride is courtesy of none other than Elaine and Bill Peck," Tracy smiles.

"What? No? I can't accept this", Holly argues quickly. She never saw this coming.

"They insist. It's already in your name and the insurance has already been paid for the entire year," Oliver says smiling. His eyes in the rear mirror keep going to the baby seat. He still can’t believe how much the little guy reminds him of his darlin', Gail.

"But how? I didn't sign anything", Holly says in total confusion.

"Oh come on, Holly. We're cops. That should answer your question", Steve says smugly.

As Holly is going to begin to argue, Tracy cuts her off and says, "Graciously accept it, Holly. They are only trying to help. They want you and their grandson to have a nice safe car. There are no strings attached."

Holly thinks about it for a minute and decides to stop arguing. It is a nice gesture of them and to be truthful her car is on its last legs. She knew she was going to have to get a new one soon. 

She smiles and says to Steve, "Tell them thank you, and tell them I'll call them soon to thank them myself."

Oliver, Steve, and Tracy smile in relief. But they still have one last hurdle to get through. The house.

____________________________

When they arrive, Holly frowns because her old car isn't in the driveway like it should be. She asks, "Where's my car?"

"We sold it," Steve smiles as he hands her an envelope.

Holly opens and asks in shock, "This is a lot of money. It wasn't worth that much."

Oliver just grins and says, "Let's just say we know people."

Poor Holly just shakes her head and smiles. These guys are just something else. She decides to hand the envelope to Steve and say, "Give this to your parents. For the SUV."

Steve holds up both his hands and grins, "Sorry, those weren't their orders. Use that for whatever you need or maybe start a college fund for my favorite nephew."

Holly just laughs and slips the envelope in her bag. God, there's no arguing with them. Oliver already has the baby out of the car seat and is busy making faces at him and calling him little champ. Holly can't help but smile at the sight. She turns to all of them and says, "Let go inside."

As she walks in, she's taken a back. Damn, they had been busy in here too. Everything is the same but it isn’t. It was completely spotless and baby proofed. A scary thought races through her head, so she runs into the bedroom. The bed is new. The clothes on the floor are gone. To her horror, it comes true. All signs of Gail are gone.

When Tracy walks in, she tearfully says, "You guys had no right to do that. To take her things. To erase her from this house. No right."

"We didn't erase her from this house, Holly. Come with me", Tracy says quietly. All of Gail's things aren’t out of the house. They have carefully packed everything in plastic bins and put it all in the guest closet. The things will be there when Holly needs them.

As they walk into the nursery, more tears start going down her face. Her eyes immediately go to the small table near the window. It has a big picture of Gail in her uniform and one of the day they got married. Her shield is propped up against both pictures. Gail's last letter is even there. At the bottom of her police pictures, there are four baby blocks. They spell out “Mama.”

She turns back and she quickly scans the room. They have painted police cars. Cars and balls everywhere. But over Gavin's crib, they painted a badge. Not any badge. Gail's badge. Holly walks over it. She carefully traces her fingers over it and whispers, "It's her badge."

"Yes," Tracy answers quietly.

Holly looks at everything and finally smiles. Gail is still here. That makes her feel better. Their son will always know who his other Mother was. And he'll grow up proud of her. Holly turns to Tracy and, with a watery smile, she says, "Thank you."

Tracy just smiles and goes over to hug her. A baby cry pulls them apart. Tracy smiles and says, "Come on. Let’s go see what they are doing to the little rookie."

Holly just laughs as she wipes her face and says, "Little Rookie? Really? What of promising not to pressure him into being a cop?"

"Oh come on Holly, we're so cool. That nickname suits him. He won't be able to help wanting to be a cop. Besides he's a Peck. It's in his blood", Tracy grins confidently.

Holly just laughs harder and says, "Peck-Stewart." 

"Same difference," Tracy grins as she walks out of the nursery.

Tracy is right in one thing. He is definitely a Peck and it's probably going to be inevitable that he chooses law enforcement as a career too. She follows Tracy to where the baby is, but can't help taking one last look at the nursery. Gail is there. She can feel it deep inside. That makes Holly happy and her heartache. She knows she'll miss Gail till her final day.

She knows the day will come when she'll see her again. She must be patient and wait. But the day will come.

For now, she has Gavin, the little gift that Gail left behind. Holly knew that Gavin was going to be every inch Gail's son and that makes her happy. He gives Holly the reason to keep living, to keep fighting. For that Holly is incredibly grateful and thankful.

______________________

"Hey Steve, I'm home," Holly calls out as she walks into the house. She's exhausted but can't wait to see her little man. He looks more and more like her Gail every day.

"Hey Mommy," Steve grins as he walks in with 13-month-old Gavin in his arms.

The little guy really isn't little. He's a big guy for his age. He's long and lean and so strong. Beautiful blond curls and cobalt blue eyes. His facial features, his eyes, his smile remind everybody of Gail. And he's so smart and is already starting to say a few words. 

When Gavin sees his Mom, he immediately holds out his arms and squeals "Mo, mo."

Steve just grins and walks him over to Holly. She grabs her son, kisses his forehead, and smiles, "Hey little man. Did you have fun with your Uncle Steve?"

Gavin just smiles and wraps around his Mom's neck and pulls. Holly laughs and, as she pulls his little arms from around her neck and settles him on her hip, she says to Steve, "I think Gavin is going to break your heart, Steve. He's probably going to go into athletics. Just look at him."

Steve just crosses his arms, grins, and says with full confidence, "Nope, he was born to be a cop. He's going to make a great one. You just wait and see. He's going to kick butt and take names."

Holly just laughs. Gavin is making motions that he wants to be put on the floor. The little rookie was crawling everywhere and getting into anything and everything. Holly scans the living room quickly to see if there are any obvious dangers. But when she doesn't see any, she puts him down and sits down on the couch to keep an eye on him.

Steve joins her and Holly asks, "How was he? I hope he wasn't too much trouble."

"No trouble at all. I love spending time with the little rookie. He ate on time, took his naps and the rest of the time I basically chased him around the house. A day with that kid saves me the need to go to the gym. He never stops moving", Steve smiles as he watches his nephew crawls to the couch.

Holly laughs and says, "Why do you think I'm exhausted all the time. He's asleep by eight, but he's rearing to go by 5 am. But he's such sweet baby."

Steve points with his head to where Gavin is and says, "Our boy is trying to tell us something."

Holly turns to her son and she can't believe it. He's standing straight up, using the couch to hang on to, and looking back at them. Holly says in awe, "He's still too little to walk."

Steve laughs and says, "He doesn't think so."

Steve walks over to his nephew and he takes his little hands in his takes two baby step with him. They're perfect. Steve grins and says, "Come on Holly. Hold out your arms and call to him. Let's see if the Little Rookie can go solo."

"What? No. Are you crazy? He can fall and hurt himself. He's still too little," Holly says nervously.

"Holly, nothing is going to happen, okay. I got his back. If he even leans a little, I'll grab him. I promise he won't fall", Steve says confidently.

Gavin moves his right leg up and down and cries, "Mo."

That just made Steve grin bigger and say, "See he agrees. So, get going Mo."

Holly bites her lip nervously, but since she seems to be outnumbered, she kneels a foot away. She then nervously says as her arms reach out to Gavin, "Come on Gavin. Come to Mommy."

You don't have to tell Gavin twice. After taking two steps with Steve's help, he lets go and Gavin takes two steps by himself and falls into Holly's arms.

As she clutches her son while he giggles and squirms in her arms, she kisses his head repeatedly and says in awe to Steve, "He walked. He walked all by himself. I can't believe it. Two whole steps. He did it. He's absolutely amazing."

Steve grins bigger and says proudly, "Of course, he is. He's a Peck." Holly's head pops up, and as she begins to glare at him, he immediately adds, "And Stewart. Gail walked her first steps at his age, too."

That made Holly's head pops up again. But this time there's a sorrowful look in her eyes. Gail. God, she could picture her right now. She would be so excited and extremely proud of their son. She would be twirling him around and texting everybody's phone with the news. How Holly missed her.

Steve reads Holly and walks over to Holly and whispers, "She's here with us, Holly. I bet she's bragging all over heaven that her son already took his first steps."

"I miss her so much Steve," Holly whispers as she kisses her son’s head one last time and puts the squirming Gavin back on the floor. He's on his knees in no time and crawling to the kitchen.

"We all do. But right now, I think it's time for dinner", Steve says softly trying to change the subject.

Holly laughs because he's right, and so is Gavin. She doesn't know how he does it, but when it's time for food, he makes a beeline for the kitchen to his high chair by himself. And when they both catch up to him, he's at his high chair. Using it to stand up and giving them a look of, "What are you waiting for?"

They both laugh and Steve grabs him and puts him on the high chair. As soon as he has his little spoon and plate, he starts banging it and won't stop till there's something on there. As Holly grabs Gavin's baby food, she says to Steve, "You know the rest of his aunts and uncles, not to mention grandparents, are going to kill us. One of us should have grabbed our phone to videotape his first steps."

"Nah, remember the nanny cams. They got his first steps. I'll download it to my phone before I leave and send them out to everybody", Steve grins.

"Damn, I forgot about them. Don't forget to send it to me. I get to have something new to brag about at work", Holly grins.

"Just wait until he starts running. I think we are all going to miss his crawling days", Steve says happily.

Holly laughs and says, "Probably."

"Okay, guys I'm going to go download the video and then I got to go. I'm having dinner with Tracy. Call me if you need anything," Steve says as he goes and kisses Gavin's head and Holly's.

"Have a good one Steve and thank you. Who is coming tomorrow?" Holly asks as she puts some baby food on Gavin's plate.

"Epstein. It's his day off", Steve calls as he walks to the nanny cam.

"Thanks," Holly calls back to Steve and turns back to Gavin to say, "Hey little man. Your Uncle Dov is coming tomorrow. You be good, Gavin. Last time he babysat you, I thought I was going to have to give oxygen to the poor guy. He was more exhausted than me."

Gavin just laughs and sticks his spoon in his plate. Holly just smiles at her son. God, she loved him.

__________________________

On Gavin's second birthday, Holly sat in a courtroom to hear the sentencing. This has been coming for what seems a long time.

They made an arrest three months after the murders. It turned out to be two stupid teenage boys that were trying to make a name for themselves out on the street. They decided to place a 911 to lure a cop in and kill him. But everything fell apart when two showed up. In a split second, they made their decision and killed them both. They never saw it coming. After they freaked out and decided to get the bodies out of their neighborhood, they drove to the other side of town and dumped them in the woods.

Not only did they change Holly's life forever that day, but theirs, their families, Chris's family, Gail's family, Gail’s friends, and even Gavin's. Gail and Holly's unborn son. That's what bothered Holly the most. Gavin is an innocent that's paying for someone else's complete act of stupidity.

Holly so lost in her thoughts that she misses the judge’s sentence. Her thoughts only scatter when the judge pounds his gable and Steve whispers, "It's over Holly. They'll never see the light of day. Let's go home. We have a birthday party to go to."

Holly simply nods her head and follows Steve out. There's nothing else to do. They will spend the rest of their lives behind jail and she'll spend the rest of her life without her Gail. It seemed to her that everybody involved got the same life sentence. Including her.

___________________________

"Holly, it's Tracy. You need to get to the children's hospital right now", Tracy says urgently as she runs to her car.

"Why? What happened?", Holly asks as the color drains from her face.

"The stupid preschool fed Gavin spaghetti with tomato sauce," Tracy says as she begins to drive.

"Those fucking idiots. I told everybody in that damn school he is allergic to tomatoes. How could they be so stupid? How is he?" Holly curses as she grabs her bag and begins to run out of the morgue. She'll deal with her boss later. Right now, she needs to see her son.

"All I know is he began having trouble breathing and an ambulance had to be called. Steve is down at the school now. Just get to the children's hospital ER. I'll meet you there", Tracy says and hangs up.

All Holly can do is slam her hand into the steering wheel hard in fury and frustration a couple of times and race to the hospital. 

As Holly runs into the ER, she goes straight to the nurse’s desk. She immediately demands, "Gavin Peck-Stewart. Where is he?"

"You are?" the nurse asks.

"His mother, Dr. Holly Peck-Stewart. What's his condition? Where is he?"

"Ma'am they are working on him now. I haven't been updated. I'll let them know that you are here and a doctor will be out to speak to you", the nurse answers.

Holly has never felt this powerless since Gail left her. She's a doctor. She knows exactly what they are doing right now. Her little four-year-old boy more than likely went into anaphylaxis shock. That's why he couldn't breathe. They are pumping epinephrine to counteract his body's response to the allergen. At this point, all she can do is pray that someone in that school had enough connected brain cells to inject him with the epinephrine auto-injector she had given them for just this kind of emergency.

Holly's thoughts scatter when Tracy and Oliver run up to her. Oliver quickly asks, "How is he?"

"I don't know. The doctors are working on him now. They haven't told me anything", Holly says quietly as she begins to pace nervously. After all the precautions, she tried to take when her son started pre-school. She just can't believe they were all in vain.

"Holly, he's going to be okay," Tracy says trying to be comforting.

"Damn it, Tracy. This shouldn't be happening. I told everybody at that damn school about his allergy. I made it a point to make it perfectly clear to his teacher, even the damn principal. I gave them the epi auto-injector and showed them how to use it. We pack his lunch every day. I just can't believe they can be this stupid", Holly says angrily and in sheer panic.

Before Tracy can say a word, Steve runs in red-faced and just furious. He growls, "I almost murdered that stupid principal."

"Steve what happened?" Holly asks desperately.

"Gavin's class has a substitute teacher that is a complete fucking moron. The lunches somehow got mixed up and Gavin ended up with spaghetti. The stupid idiot teacher froze when he started having trouble breathing. He passed out, damn it, and the idiot did nothing. A little brunette classmate of his was the only one that reacted and ran to get the school nurse. Thankfully the nurse grabbed his epi auto-injector and used it while screaming for an ambulance and starting CPR. An ambulance got there 8 minutes after he started having trouble breathing. Eight fucking minutes. Unbelievable", Steve explains still furious.

All the color in Holly's face drained. It took minutes for him to get the epi. More minutes for the ambulance to get there. He stopped breathing. They had to do CPR. He stopped breathing. He probably has cracked ribs. He stopped breathing. This is the final straw. She throws her bag into a chair angrily, drops to her knees, and begins to sob.

Tracy joins her and wraps her arm around her as she whispers, "He's going to be okay, Holly. He's not going to leave you."

"That's what Gail promised and she did. He stopped breathing, Tracy. He stopped breathing. He can't leave me. He just can't." It’s the only thing Holly can say as she sobs.

Oliver kneels down next to Holly and softly says, "They used his epi auto-injector. He's getting the best care. He's so strong, Holly. He's going to be okay. You have to believe that."

Before Steve could say a word, a doctor comes out and calls, "Gavin Peck-Stewart."

Holly immediately pulls everybody off her, gets to her feet, and runs to the doctor. She tearfully asks, "How is he?"

"Well, he went into pretty serious anaphylaxis shock. But fortunately, the epi auto-injector was used in time. We finally got his breathing under control, but he's still covered in hives. He's responding to the treatment. We are going to take him up to the ICU for a day or two to keep a very close eye on him. But he seems to be a very strong little boy. I think he should be able to go home in a couple of days", the doctor smiles.

Relief. Such a strong sense of relief for all four of them. As soon as the words sink in, Holly manages a watery smile and says, "Thank you, doctor. When can I see him?"

"Soon. Just give us another half an hour and you can accompany him up to the ICU. He'll be asleep, but he'll come around in a few hours", the doctor says as he begins to leave.

"That's our Little Rookie," Oliver booms happily. Tears are running down his face, but they are of sheer relief.

All that Steve and Tracy can do is sigh in complete relief. 

Holly turns to them and seriously says, "Well, Steve and Tracy should go back to that school and tell them that I'm going to sue them for every penny they have and that my son will never return. But make sure you find out who our two heroes are, so that we can thank them profusely."

"Two?", Tracy asks.

"The nurse and the little girl," Holly smiles.

"I'll take care of it Holly. As far as the school goes, as I was leaving my parents were arriving with four scary lawyers. I think about right now the principal is kissing his school goodbye," Steve grins.

"That means they should be here any minute," Tracy says.

"I guess so. They only went there to put the fear of hell into him and then have their lawyers tear him apart. They told me they were right behind me", Steve explains.

A nurse interrupts them when she walks into the waiting room and calls, "Gavin Peck-Stewart."

"I'm his mom", Holly says as she runs up.

"Follow me ma'am and I'll take you to your little boy," the nurse smiles.

That's the first good thing Holly has heard all day. She turns to the others and Tracy runs up to give her the bag and says, "Don't worry we'll deal with the scared and furious grandparents. I'm sure they'll calm down when they hear he's going to be okay."

"Thank you. All of you."

All three just smile and Holly follows the nurse inside.

Twelve hours later, Holly can finally grin again. Beautiful blue eyes meet her dark ones and say, "Mommy, I don't like this place. I want to go home."

Holly can't help but laugh. She can't help but think about all the times Gail said basically the same thing when she was in a hospital. Of course, with a lot more cursing and plenty of escape attempts. Holly runs her fingers through Gavin's thick blond hair and whispers, "I know you don't, Gavin baby. But you got a little sick sweetheart. You need to stay here for a little while so the doctors can make it better."

Gavin groans a little and asks while pointing at his chest, "Mommy, why does it hurt here? Why is everything scratchy?"

That breaks Holly's heart. She puts her hand on her son's so that he doesn't scratch and whispers, "Baby, you ate something that made you sick. But Gavin baby it's going to be okay. The doctors are going to make it better. I promise."

"Okay, Mommy but why am I wearing a dress? I'm a boy. Boys don't wear dresses. I don't like it", Gavin scowls as he glares at his gown.

Holly laughs again and says, "I know that baby. But that's a hospital gown. They need you to wear that so that the doctors can take care of you. All boys that are in the hospital have to wear them."

"Nu-uh, I betcha my Uncle Steve or Uncle Oliver wouldn't wear these. They are boys too. Big bad policemen", Gavin argues.

Holly can't stop smiling, "They are that, but when they are in a hospital they wear them too, baby."

"Nu-uh."

Holly shakes her head and says, "Why don't we make a deal? You be a good boy and wear the gown for now and later I'll prove to you that even your Uncle Steve and Uncle Oliver have worn these in the hospital too. Deal?"

Gavin smiles and nods his head. Before long his head begins to droop. Holly kisses his head and whispers for him to go to sleep. After she's positive he's asleep, Holly grins and dials Tracy's number.

Three hours later Tracy, Steve, and Oliver come in loaded down with get well gifts and a mess of balloons. Holly smiles and asks, "Did you guys clean out the gift shop?"

"More like the toy store," Tracy grins.

"Hey, stop complaining. I should have bought him that great bike I saw", Steve pouts.

Holly and Tracy laugh while Oliver pulls out two polaroids from his back pocket. As he blushes, he says, "You better burn those after Holly. Or we are never going to live it down."

"Yeah, you both promised," Steve says quickly.

As Holly looks at the pictures, she laughs and Tracy just grins. The noise wakes Gavin up. He looks around the room and says smiling, "Mommy, Uncle Steve, Uncle Oliver and Aunt Tracy brought me balloons. Am I five now?"

All three adults just smile. Holly walks over to him and says, "Not yet baby. In a few weeks, you'll be five."

"There get well balloons and presents champ," Oliver grins as he hands him a box.

"Really? You get presents for getting sick?", Gavin smiles as he begins to rip at the paper.

"Yes. But first I want to show you something", Holly says as she pulls the box away.

"What Mommy?", Gavin asks while trying to grab the box again.

"Look, baby," Holly says as she shows the polaroid’s to him.

Gavin looks at them and looks up confused. He looks at his super men and says a little sadly, "They make you wear dresses too."

Immediately Oliver blushes hard and mumbles, "Champ, just when...," and then Steve interrupts while stuttering, "Umm...just…just...when...we have...to be in the...hospital Little Rookie. O...On...Only…then.."

Both men seem to want to crawl into the nearest hole they can find while the women just laugh. Holly takes pity on them and says, "Gavin baby, they get sick too you know. It's only in the hospital, baby. They have to follow the hospital's rules too."

Gavin thinks about it a minute and then smiles. Steve and Oliver sigh in relief and each grabs their picture. They are just relieved it was over and that it made Gavin feel better.

Gavin grabs the box again and asks, "Can I open my presents now, Mommy?"

"Yes, baby," Holly smiles as Oliver and Steve go to either side of his bed to help him open the boxes and tell him about the cool toys.

Both Holly and Tracy watch them and grin. Tracy says, "God Oliver and Steve act like little boys."

"Tracy, was Steve really going to bring a bike?", Holly asks incredulously.

"I got there in the nick of time. He was just swiping his card. You should have seen how he pouted when I made him take it back. He had a helmet and all kinds of pads too. Plus, the remote-control car and the superman toy", Tracy laughs.

"What was he thinking?", Holly says smiling but shaking her head.

"Just wait for that birthday party, Holly. They are going to bury you in new toys. Make no mistake Steve is going to show up with a bike and a bag full of presents", Tracy smiles as she watches Steve show how the race car works.

"God, you guys spoil him so." Holly smiles as she watches Oliver show him his new boat.

"We do, but we also tell him that he must take care of his Mommy and that he's the man of the house. We tell him his Mommy has an important job and that she helps us put the bad guys away. But most importantly we tell him about his Uncle Chris and his Mama. We tell him that he always must be a good boy and respectful of adults and that he must follow the rules. He's going to grow up to be a great man. You'll see Holly", Tracy says softly.

Before Holly can respond they are interrupted when Gavin says while holding up a car and a boat, "Mommy, look, look. A remote car and boat and Superman."

Both Steve and Oliver smile ruefully while Holly turns to Tracy and whispers, "I know. Thank you." 

She then walks over to see her son's new toys. She smiles and can't help but pray in thanks for the wonderful people helping to race her boy and that Tracy is right.

___________________________

"Gavin baby, why aren't you eating your breakfast?", Holly asks as she watches her son. He's such beautiful boy. At nine years old he's already 5'4" and getting taller every day. Tall slim, athletic, and strong. Beautiful blond hair and piercing blue eyes. And a smile that could melt you. And so, damn smart. He had an interest in math and science and he was very good at both and the rest of his subjects. He did great at school. Holly can't be prouder.

"Not really hungry," Gavin mumbles back.

Something is wrong. Very wrong. He's not acting normally. Holly racks her brain and only comes up with one thing. She asks, "Gavin, are you scared that you have a bad grade on a subject and that I'm going to get upset when the teacher tells me?"

Gavin just shakes his head no.

"Did something happen at school?", Holly asks very concernedly.

Gavin continues to shake his head no.

This is really starting to scare her. She then pleads, "Gavin baby, please tell me what's wrong. Please baby."

His Mother's plead gets to him. He looks down and says angrily, "It's not fair, Mom."

"What's not fair, baby?" Holly asks in confusion.

"Why did she have to die? Huh why her? All the kids have a mom and a dad or a mom and mom or dad and dad. And I just have you, Mom. It's not fair", Gavin responds angrily while a tear runs down his face.

Holly can't help but close her eyes to hide the pain and grief behind them. Damn it. He has every right to be angry. He has every right to be brought up by both her and Gail. She takes a deep breath, slips her hand on top of his, and softly says, "You're right, Gavin baby. It isn't fair. Your Mama should be here right now and we should both be going to your back-to-school night. But leaving wasn't your Mama's idea, Gavin. She wanted to be here, baby. She wanted you, Gavin. Unfortunately, we can't control faith. We just can't."

"I know, but I miss her. I didn't get to meet her, but after all the stories and memorizing her picture in my head, I somehow feel she's inside me. I feel like I know her. I look like her. I don't know. I just know that I wish she were here." Gavin whispers as he wipes his tears away.

"Me too honey. I miss her too. So much. But you don't just have me, baby. You have your Uncle Steve, your Uncle Oliver, your Aunt Tracy, and the rest or your aunts and uncles. Don't forget about your grandma and grandpa and all your cousins", Holly whispers hoping to make her son feel better.

"I know. I love them all. But it's not the same", Gavin whispers back.

Holly squeezes his hand and asks, "Would it make you feel better if I ask your Uncle Steve or your Uncle Oliver to come with me tonight?"

Gavin's head pops up and, even though he's wiping tears away from his face, he says firmly, "No, you're more than enough, Mom. You're all I really need. I'm sorry."

That makes tears run down her face. Gavin gets up and wipes them off with his thumbs and, while looking his Mom in the eyes, he says, "Come on Mom. I'm sorry. I hate it when you cry. We're going to be late. I'll be waiting for you to pick me up so that we can go get my report card."

For a second Holly thinks she's looking into Gail's eyes. She shakes her head to get the thought out of it and smiles at her son. As she gets up, she kisses his head and says, "Come on kiddo. Let's get out of here. Grab your lunch and your bag."

"Okay," Gavin smiles as he gets his stuff together.

As they walk to the car, Holly grins and asks, "So about this report card. Am I going to be surprised?"

As Gavin puts his seatbelt on, he grins and confidently says, "Just wait and see. But we have a deal and, if I were you, I'd be planning on how to get my new bike home."

That makes Holly laugh. He is every inch Gail's son. She is so lucky. But now she is thinking about how she is going to get that bike home. She has no doubt that her son has completed his part of the deal. Now she must complete hers. It makes her smile.

______________________________

The batting cages. Holly couldn't believe that they are still here. The same batting cages she took Gail all those years around. As she tries to see if the one she and Gail used to use was available, Gavin asks, "Is something wrong, Mom?"

Holly shakes her head and says, "No, not a thing. Come on, baby. Let's go get a cage and the equipment."

As they are walking to the cage, Holly looks at her son; she can't believe how fast time has gone by and how big he is getting. He is just 12 years old and he is almost as tall as she is. Everybody thinks that he is probably going to get taller than Steve who is 6' feet. He is a handsome and very nice young man. He takes care of his Mom, takes care of his responsibilities, and is a delight. And Holly can already see the little girls taking second looks at him. She is bracing herself. The teenage years are right around the corner. That is going to be a new adventure. Holly just hopes she will survive them.

She asks her boy, "So why baseball, Gavin?" 

"I've played it a couple of times at school and I like it. Thought it would be fun to play with my friends on the team they are on", Gavin says as they arrive at the cage.

Holly can't help but grin. It's the same one. The same one Gail and she used those few times all those years ago. She looks at the plate and can almost see them giggling as she was trying to show Gail how to stand and hold the bat. Her thoughts are interrupted when Gavin says, "Earth to Mom."

"Sorry baby. What did you say?" Holly says as she shakes her head to hopefully clear it enough so that she can pay attention to her son. She puts on her helmet.

"Mom, shouldn't Uncle Steve or Oliver be showing me how to do this?", Gavin asks as he puts his helmet on.

"Hey, I played softball in high school and college. I can kick both their butts", Holly smiles as she grabs a bat.

"You probably joined to watch all the pretty girls," Gavin teases.

"Hey, I was very good and that too," Holly says while she softly hits him behind the head.

Holly shows him how he has to grip the bat and how he has to stand. After she's satisfied with what she's seeing, she goes behind the railing and calls, "Ready, Gavin."

"Yeah, Mom," Gavin says as he looks down the cage.

"Don't let go of the bat," Holly calls out loudly as she pushes the button.

Gavin didn't expect that so it distracted him and he missed. He looks back at his Mom and says, "Funny, Mom. Very funny. You did that on purpose."

"No, I said that because I've seen it happen before," Holly grins remembering that night.

"How could someone let go of the bat while trying to hit a baseball?", Gavin says as he frowns.

"Well, a long time ago I brought your Mama here. She wasn't into sports at all. And well, when she took her first swing, the bat went flying and she ran out of the cage vowing never to return", Holly says softly smiling. The memory seems so real in that moment.

"That's not true. Everybody told me that my Mama could kick ass and take names. Take men twice her size. She wouldn't let go of the bat", Gavin says defensively while heavily scowling. He doesn't like that at all. As far as he was concerned, his Mama was Super Cop. His Uncle Steve told her that she beat him up more than once and would take down suspect down hard.

Holly can hear that Gavin is a little upset and on the defensive, so she quickly says, "And they are right, Gavin baby. Your Mama could do all that and more. She used to pick me up in a blink of an eye. Out run me when we used to go jogging. She was so strong, just like you. But she never liked sports. She never learned how to play them. That was all it was. She said something like; she didn't like to get sweaty unless she was trying arrest someone."

"Oh. Okay", Gavin smiles. Holly is relieved that her explanation has satisfied her son.

She goes back to the lesson. She says, "Okay baby. Get ready. Let see if you can hit a couple of them out."

As Gavin gets ready, he calls back, "You know Mom, we're not leaving this place till I see if you can even hit a ball once."

Holly laughs and says loudly, "I bet you I'll hit more of them out than you, kiddo."

Gavin grins and, while looking back at his mom, says confidently, "You're on."

That made Holly grin so much more. The way he looked at her, the way he said that was 100% Gail. It made her heart happy.

__________________________

Gavin Peck-Stewart is wearing a black funeral suit and looking straight ahead. He's desperately trying to be strong and keep the tears at bay. All his life he's been told that this was a possibility. That this risk goes with the job, but that it is worth it. All his grandparents, aunts, and uncles had prepared him for it. He even thinks he was even better prepared for the simple fact he had already lost a parent. He knows what it feels like to live with the distinct feeling someone important is missing. But now that he's living it, he knows he was terribly wrong.

He's attending a Toronto Police Officer’s funeral. His Uncle Oliver was killed three days ago. A raid went terribly wrong and he was shot in the back of the head. There was nothing to do for him.

His mother is standing next to him with her head down. He could hear her softly crying. Gavin wraps his arm around her and kisses her head. These past few days have been horrible for her. He knows that all of this brought back the day his Mama left her. She hasn't gone to work. Has barely eaten and has shut herself in her room. The few times he has gone into check on her, he has found her asleep with tear stain cheeks, and clutching a letter. His Mama's letter.

The sight broke his heart. Gavin did the only thing that he could think of; he took care of her. He gently coaxed her to eat, to shower, to go into the living room to watch a movie with him. Anything to get her out of that depressing room. The first night was the worse. He worried that as he slept that she might need him. So, the first night he grabbed his pillow and slept on the couch next to her bed. And every night since.

Holly isn't indifferent to her son's feelings. She knows she should be the one taking care of him, but Oliver's death brought her to her knees. Just like Gail's. Oliver's death made her relive Gail's death. Every single detail. That horrible moment when she discovered that the dead male cop was Chris. When she ripped the sheet from her body and saw the blood in the back of her head. How she looked when Holly turned her over. How cold her cheeks were in her hands as she pleaded with her not to leave her. The way she smelled. How cold the day was; every horrible detail.

She's asked him often if he wants to talk about his Uncle Oliver or his Mama and every time he just smiles softly and says, "Don't worry, Mom. I'm okay."

Gavin looks at all his aunts and uncles and to the fact, they strangely look like they are okay. They are wearing their dress uniforms, standing at attention and looking straight ahead. Not a tear in sight. But Gavin knows better. As he looks at each of their eyes, he can see they are glassy-eyed with unshed tears. And when he looks at his Aunt Tracy and Uncle Steve, he just sees sorrow and honestly exhaustion. They are both just so tired. Tired of burying their family. Tired of fighting a never-ending battle. But they took an oath and would continue.

Gavin is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't notice someone come up behind him. They tap him on the shoulder and whisper something in his ear. He nods and leans down and whispers to his Mom, "Mom, grandma wants to see me. I'll be right back Mom, okay. Save my seat."

Holly just nods and Gavin walks to the back. Sitting in the back row is his grandma Elaine. She motions for him to take the seat next to her and says, "I'm sorry to take you away from you Mother, Gavin. I know she needs you now. But I need to talk to you."

"Grandma, can't this wait?", Gavin whispers as he tries to find his mother with his eyes.

"No, Gavin it can't. I want you to take a good long look at that casket. At Sergeant Shaw's family. At his grieving widow, at his crying children. At his friends. Take a good long look."

"What's this about, grandma? Why?", Gavin asks starting to get upset.

"Because this scene might repeat itself if you decide to join the family business. After you are gone, this is what will be left. This is the pain and sorrow that your passing will cause. The emptiness that will be left. Do you really want to be responsible for this?" Elaine asks softly as tears run down her face.

"I already know how that feels. I lost my mother or have you forgotten", Gavin answers emotionally.

"No, my boy you really don't. You weren't born yet. You didn't meet her. Get attached to her. Hear her voice, hear her laughter, know the feel of her touch. She didn't even know you were on your way. Yes, you got to know her through your mother and all your aunts and uncles. Yes, I do not doubt that you love her and that you wished she was here," Elaine whispers softly.

"I love and miss my Mama, Grandma. I love her as much as my Mom. I know what it feels like being raised without a parent", Gavin whispers angrily.

"Imagine losing your Mom, Gavin. Imagine what it would feel like losing her from one day to the next. Once you do that you'll really understand what Sergeant Shaw's family is feeling now. And what aftermath he leaves behind", Elaine explains quietly.

His grandmother's words reach him. He loses all the color in his face and tears run down his face. Just the thought of losing his Mom causes overwhelming sorrow and pain. When he meets Elaine's eyes, she says, "Gavin that feeling right now. The one that you're feeling this very moment is what you will leave behind if you join the department and are killed in the line of duty. Your wife and children. Your Mom, your aunts and uncles, your friends. That is what you will leave behind. Yes, they will remember the good times, but they'll never stop missing you and the sorrow will never really leave them."

"No, no, no. If I do my job, follow procedure and if I'm careful, very careful, I'll always come home," Gavin argues passionately as tears continue to run down his face.

Elaine sighs sadly and whispers, "I thought that too, but life has beaten that naiveté out of me. My daughter and Diaz followed procedure and two punks snuck up from behind and shot them in the head for no reason. Your Uncle Sergeant Shaw followed procedure and he was shot in the head from 40 meters away. All of them didn't see it coming. You can do your job and follow all the procedure you want but at the end of the day, it means very little. It gives you a higher probability of going home, but it doesn't guarantee it."

Gavin angrily wipes his face and says, "Why are you doing this? Why?"

Elaine grabs his arms and says harshly, "Because I don't want to bury you. You are eighteen years old with your whole life in front of you. You can be anything you want. Anything. You don't have to be a police officer because you are a Peck. The hell with the family business. It's already cost us so much. Please think about that Gavin. You can follow your Mom's footsteps instead and still help law enforcement."

Gavin has had enough. He stands up and looks his grandmother straight in the eye and says firmly, "Grandmother, I appreciate your concern. But I've been thinking about this for a very long time. I know the risks, but it's what I really want to do. I want to help people. Make this world a little better. I will always come home. I want to protect and serve. I will finish college and join the academy right after. I will be a Toronto Police Officer."

Elaine looks at her grandson and sighs in defeat. Even with tears running down his face, the look in his eyes and the firmness of his words told her she failed miserably. She was seeing Gail standing in front of her all over again. At this moment, she wished he isn't a Peck. There's nothing else to do. Her grandson will join the family business. She nods her head and her grandson goes back to his mother's side.

______________________________

Holly's daughter in law and one-year-old granddaughter just went home. Just thinking about the little girl makes her smile. Dark hair with dark eyes and beautiful alabaster skin. With such a sweet smile. Her son insisted on naming her Holly. God the years just had blown by so fast. Gavin was twenty-seven years old.

Her son was off on his shift. He's been a police officer for three years now and he loved it. Holly knew that after his first day on the job. His eyes glowed just like her Gail's used to.

Holly grabs a glass of wine and goes into her bedroom. She grabs the picture of Gail she keeps under her pillow and does something she's done for years. She talks to her. But this time the conversation is different. She's not telling her about their boy or her friends or yelling at her for leaving. No, tonight it's different.

Holly Peck-Stewart is tired. Simply tired and wants to go home.

As tears run down her face, her fingers caress the old picture, she whispers, "Gail baby, I'm so tired. Our beautiful boy is happy and has a family of his own. Our little granddaughter is beautiful. He loves his job, just like you did. You would be so proud. He doesn't need me anymore."

As she sips her wine, she whispers, "Gail baby, let me go home to you. Please. I've forced myself to continue and fight. Fight for our son. But I'm so tired. I've been without you for so long. I miss you so much. Just let me go home to you. Please baby." 

That was her last plea when she fell asleep. To her relief, it was her last. She died in her sleep. Holly finally went home.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the story. Special thanks to my beta, Silvercusa. Thank you for reading and let me know what you think.


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